If He Is Mine...

If he is mine and if I am his, one day we will be together...

Yes, he has the right to chose the easier path,
And the path he likes better,
Towards the girl he loves more.

But the stubborn me asking myself, "Is she the girl that he loves more than me? If he loves her more, the girl he met before me, then why he fell for me at the first place? Was he only playing with me? Or was falling for me a mistake?"

Or, he needs to decide, because the path towards we-will-be-together seems impossible. So "Why we need to be stuck in this situation, relationship, or feeling?" he may ask himself. "This is the best for us," he may think. Or if he is cruel, he may tell, "I want her, not you".

I can feel sad.. I can feel angry... I can ask him.. and I can tell him..
I can show my desperation,
I can show my admiration,
I can show my frustration,
or I can show to the world that I am strong.
I can choose what I want to know, to say, and to do.. or what feeling I have...
No matter what I decide, again, we will be together only IF GOD DECIDES that we will be together...

If I can stop him from winning my heart before he started, I could save him from being stuck in this situation. He may feel guilty... pressured.. I know it is hard for him. But I know, he knows that it is hard for me too...

Where I did wrong? Don't tell me that being loved and loving him is a mistake.

I am trying my best to be ready, to accept, IF he is not for me.. or IF HE IS MINE...
Only if...

His Little Acknowledgement + My Broad Smile

"Your flower (brooch on my shoulder) match your scarf", he suddenly praised.
"Owh," before I manage to reply and started to broaden my smile, he added, "And that is the end of the conversation"

Then he started looking to his phone. And I kept smiling.

That was happened when we met for the first time, this Syawal, when he came to my hometown to visit me and my family. I picked him up in the bus station, where we had that conversation.

A week after that, at our friend's wedding, I asked him if my scarf is okay and match my dress.
"Weird"
I took a deep breath, starting to show unhappy face.
"But nice!", he added.
Then I suddenly smiled, and thanked him.
"Next time, let me finish talking first," he added, because he knew that I was about to protest his 'weird' answer.

He praised me, then he cut it quickly? Hehehe.. Shy? Ego? Didn't want to make me over excited? Hahaha..  I don't care, it was still sweet and I am happy with his little acknowledgement and admiration.
His little acknowledgement draws a broad smile on my face.