He is everywhere.
The day started with checking my mobile phone, I hoped for a text message from him. But it is okay, he was still sleeping, I guess. I did nothing until afternoon, I cooked spaghetti. Then I remembered he and his family ate spaghetti I cooked at his home. I love the way he appreciates what I prepared. But today, I prepared spaghetti only for myself.
Then I watched a movie. The movie never fail to make me cry. It was maybe my 3rd time watching it. Sad Bollywood movie, Kal Ho Na Ho. But this time I cried more, not only because of the triangle love story, but this time, I see myself in the movie. And I also see him. About loving someone very much but we need to let the person go. And one more thing, about how a man makes the lady know how to fall in love. Just like how he did to me. Hurm.. let the person go? Can I say I don't want?
Okay, maybe I spent my time so much at home, alone. I need to go out and will feel better, I thought. Because today is the first day I have nothing to do and stay home after few busy and rushing days. So maybe staying alone and do nothing make me miss him more, I thought. So I decided to go out. I went out to pay his motorbike monthly payment.
He gave me the money last 2 weeks and needed my help to pay for him; pay to the motorbike shop. The shop is close to his place. I mean, his previous place, where I used to went around with him. When I drove closer to the shop, I felt like my heart squeezed. Every angles reminded me to him. I went to the Public Bank he used to go. I withdrew money there and felt like he is waiting for me in the car, before I realized he wasn't. Of course he wasn't, he is in KL, I am in JB now. That is why he asked for my help to pay his bike. Hurm.. I took a deep breath.
Before going back to my car, I saw the laundry he used to send his clothes, where the lady once thought I am his wife. Hurm.. I felt like my heart stopped.
Then I drove, passed through a mamak shop. The shop where we used to eat, drink and online. Yusoof. I once said, "Yusoof, your boyfriend" when he was so excited to have lunch there. And it was the place I laughed at him, when he was taking both legs up to the air because of few cockroaches. He really hate cockroaches and can jump because of them. Okay, now I am smiling =)
I headed to the motorbike shop, and called him, to confirm the shop's name. But actually, more because I wanted to hear his voice. He did not pick up. It is okay, he was doing something with his family, maybe. He is a family man. I love seeing him having fun with his family. I know they are a happy and very good family. I know them. Hurm, I miss them. And I cried.
After paid a month payment, I left. I know it was the right shop, I can see his name on the log book. Before going home, I went drive thru Mc Donalds, ordered a meal, and an ice cream. I called that restaurant, his Mc D. Because that is the Mc D he used to go and online. I joined him too several times. He used to online there with his metallic light blue laptop and red headphone. I once came to sit beside him after we fought, there. I sat, ate and went online too. After silent for few minutes, then we back to normal. That is one of the best things about him. His silent after we fight make him look very cool and only make me feel like wanna hug him. Even he look scary, I know he cares about me. Owh, I miss him.
I left the Mc Donalds with my burgers, french fries, Coke and vanilla ice-cream. I must go home fast and rest, no difference between staying home or go out, I am still remembering him.
Having the ice-cream, I remember, I ate an ice-cream before when he was driving. Yes, when he was in JB. Then he asked me for the ice-cream. Automatically, I put my ice-cream in front of his month. He ate my ice-cream.
Then he asked, "Have you shared an ice-cream like this with another guy before?".
After a pause, I answered, "No".
"So, this is your first time sharing a vanilla cone ice-cream with a guy!" Remembering this and his smile, make me miss him more. And I cried.
I forced myself to be occupied with two movies last night. I felt more relaxed and better. And after finished watching movies, alone, I decided to sleep. Going to bathroom, remembering that the toothpaste I used was given by him. "Go sleep faster, faster!" I talked to myself. I hug a teddy bear. Eh, but it is a 'puppy'. Teddy puppy. I felt so comfort put my face on the soft teddy puppy's face. Before I realized, I started to cry again, because he was the one who gave me the teddy puppy.
I looked to my hand phone while lying on my bed. Had no message or missed call from him. "It is okay, it is okay," I talked to myself. I took a very deep breath, staring to the beautiful pink handphone, again, the handphone he gave me, and I whispered, "God, please lend him to me a little bit longer..." I have no strength to pray "Please make him mine for my entire life..." but I know, I want to be with him so much.
Teddy puppy knows how tight I hugged it. Teddy puppy knows, he is everywhere in my life. Everywhere.
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