Someone knows that I really love him. I really miss him. Then this friend asked me, "Why you fall for him...? Why?". I know, this friend tried to tell me, "You shouldn't fall for him". Hurm. Why I fall for him? This is the very first reason.
************
After two days I stayed only in my room, one evening I went out for a home tuition. My student needs me, no matter how my condition is, right? No matter how miserable I feel after being ignored for 2 weeks. Hurm..
I felt a little bit motivated since she, a 11-year-old Indian girl was very enthusiastic while studying with me. Then I drove back home, felt satisfied with the 2 hours session.
On my way home, I was stuck in traffic jam. The slow traffic made me have time to look around from my car, until I saw my Mc Donalds. We called it MY Mc D because it is close to my place. The moment I saw my Mc D, it reminded me to, "This is the place both of us first met, only two of us". Can I call it as a date?
Yes, after a program when he was the participant and I was the MC, we met again when he came to join my friends and I at a karaoke place. I can say, that was our first time meeting after the program. After 8 months, maybe? Then we met again the next day for a movie, also with my friends. Man of Steel, I remember. When in the middle of the movie, he fall asleep. Cute.
So, the first time we met, without other friends, was in front MY Mc D, few hours after the movie. When he parked his bike there and joined me in my car, having long talk. 4 am until 8.30am, I remember. That morning he told me, he had crush on my. That morning. How fast our story was, right?
We also met again at the same Mc D several time. One night, that was the place when I told him about my last relationship. Last engagement. I cannot remember how he manage to dig the story. When I told my close friends and family that I was okay, and pretended that I was strong to face the frustration at that time, he was the ONLY person who knew that I was not okay. I stopped telling the story and looked outside the car, hiding my feeling when he was about to leave my car. But that moment, he realized that I was sad. He understand me and he gave advice that touched my heart. He said, "It is okay to feel sad, and cry. It is okay to show our own feelings. Then we will feel better." He made me think about myself, when before that, I prioritize others. That night, I know he is special.
When the whole world see me telling a lie about my feelings, when the whole world see a happy me, he brings the true of myself out. He lets me be myself. And that makes me feel so good, to have him by my side.
He met me for a short time, and he already manage to understand me. How can I avoid myself thinking about him, when this story was recalled when I pass that Mc D?
*******
I answered that friend, "I fall for him because when the whole world think I am happy, only he knows that I am not".
That is why, when it is hard for people to see my crying, I can cry in front of him even for a very small matter.
